Grief and Ageing: Let's Talk About It

Grief in later life is rarely about one loss.

It gathers quietly over time—a spouse, a sibling, friends who once filled the calendar, roles that no longer exist, a body that doesn't respond the way it once did. Alongside these losses sits a quieter one: the gradual narrowing of what the future is expected to hold.

And yet, older adults are often expected to carry all of this with composure.

The Nature of Grief in Ageing

There is a common belief that grief becomes easier with age—that elders are more prepared for loss, more accepting, more resilient. Psychological research does not support this idea. While grief may be expressed differently in later life, its emotional impact remains significant and complex (Stroebe & Schut, 2010). Psychology understands grief not as a single emotion, but as an ongoing process of adjustment—to what has been lost and to what life now requires. In later life, this process often repeats itself, sometimes without enough time or space to fully integrate one loss before another arrives (Bonanno et al., 2011).

In many Indian families, grief is also shaped by spiritual and cultural beliefs. Death is often understood as a transition rather than an ending, and mourning rituals emphasise acceptance, prayer, and continuation of daily life. For many elders, this offers comfort and meaning. At the same time, it can quietly discourage prolonged expressions of sorrow. As a result, many elders learn to grieve inwardly. Sadness is contained rather than spoken. Loss is remembered through ritual rather than conversation. This does not mean grief is absent—it means it is carried privately.

Beyond Death: Living With Absence

Grief in older age is not only about death. It is also about living with absence—the absence of companionship, familiar roles, and earlier versions of oneself. Psychology recognises that such cumulative losses can weigh heavily on emotional well-being, even when no single loss feels recent enough to justify distress. For elders who live alone or whose children live far away, grief can feel especially disorienting. Life continues around them, but their inner world grows quieter. Phone calls help, routines help—but they do not always replace the comfort of being witnessed in everyday life.

What often complicates this further is the expectation to "be strong." Many elders were raised to value endurance over expression. Vulnerability was private. Over time, grief may show up indirectly—through withdrawal, fatigue, irritability, or a loss of interest in things that once mattered. These changes are often mistaken for ageing, rather than recognised as grief.

The Ongoing Nature of Loss

Grief does not have an expiry date. It can resurface during transitions such as retirement, illness, relocation, or increased dependence—not because one has failed to heal, but because life has shifted again. Importantly, grief in later life does not always look like sadness. It may feel like emptiness, numbness, or a quiet sense of disconnection. What helps is not fixing or reassurance, but permission.

Psychological models of healthy grieving emphasise that healing does not mean "moving on," but making room for loss alongside continued living—allowing remembrance, meaning, and connection to coexist (Stroebe & Schut, 2010).

Ageing brings many transitions. Grief weaves through them, whether we speak about it or not.

When grief is met with patience rather than avoidance, with listening rather than fixing, it becomes less lonely. The weight does not disappear—but it becomes easier to carry when it is shared.

References

• Bonanno, G. A., Westphal, M., & Mancini, A. D. (2011). Resilience to loss and potential trauma. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 7, 511–535.
• Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade on. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 61(4), 273–289.